Mental health awareness holds such a negative stigma in today’s society. People tend to look at it as a crutch, or an excuse. And for that reason, it is not addressed or acknowledged as much as it should be. It is only valued when a life is taken due to deficit in awareness. As women we are not taught to check in on ourselves. We are always taught to care and nurture others before we address our own needs. When we reach a point of exhaustion both mentally and physically, we are looked at as moody, uncontrollable, and sensitive. When in actuality, we are dealing with an unstable and unhealthy mental state that we have neglected for far too long. 

Because I am an African American woman, I am going to speak from the perspective of one. There may be many aspects of this conversation that every woman can relate to, so please don’t stop reading because I am deciding to speak from specific viewpoint. I talk about this with a lot of the young ladies that I work with because emotions typically come out in a way that does not depict how we are truly feeling. Here are two prime examples: 

Example 1:

A woman finds out she has been cheated on and is extremely hurt; however, she decides to do one of two things. Yell. Fuss. And cuss. Or become promiscuous and sleep around. 

Example 2: 

A male who struggles with abandonment issues often does not know how to address his feelings of worry; therefore, instead of recognizing that feeling/emotion, he sabotages every serious relationship he enters. 

The point of these bare minimum examples is that both of these individuals are struggling with a deeper problem than what they present on the outside. I’ll speak from a very personal place. This subject is very near to my heart because I struggled with recognizing the root emotion to my actions. From 2014-2016 I would lash out at anything. Everything caused an uproar mainly because I had not addressed my anxiety. My feelings of anxiety produced an outward behavior, hostility. When in reality, I was hurt, overwhelmed, scared, looking for someone to trust, and disappointed. 

This is where I believe people get the idea/stereotype of “the angry black woman.” And this is where I want to combat that notion. Black women are not angry. They are no hostile. They are not rude. They are tired. Overworked. Under payed. And often unappreciated. Women in general are not moody. They are not emotional. They are not confusing. They are hurting. Broken. Unsure. And anxious. We as a society have to start recognizing that we will exhibit emotions regardless of if we choose to or not. So why not choose to express them in a way that truly relays the message that we need to send. Many times, our emotions do not come out representing how we really feel. I recognized that I had some junk to clean up within myself so that I could express exactly what I was feeling and not put on a façade. We have entered a generation where expressing how you feel is s sign of weakness. Therefore; we put up this wall. This appearance that we are hard and that nothing affects us. In 2017 I started seeing a therapist because I was tired of putting up that wall. Eventually it became taxing. Exhausting. I began to crack in so many places that I did not know if I would ever be whole again. When I started going to therapy, I was able to mend and recreate a lot of those shattering moments to gain insight in to who I am and who I want to become. I gained knowledge about what I wanted out of life and what I needed to throw away. I was able to acknowledge and face head on the moments that broke me, and I learned how to rebuild myself emotionally.  

I highly suggest to any person who struggles with recognizing what drives their emotions, to speak with a professional and allow them to help you. To this day, I go once a month simply to check in with where I am mentally. The stigma often suggests that those who go to counseling are broken; however, I believe that those who go, are the most whole and healthy individuals to walk this earth. Because they are constantly checking in with where they are and where they want to be. So, if you have been considering, or you are reading this and say “I could use this in my life” please feel free to message me so that I can help you find a licensed professional in your area. Start the conversation. Open the door and tear down the walls. Be brave enough to seek the help that you need. You will be stronger because of it. 

Love always. Love lots.

Angie